- Image via Wikipedia
It’s possible that being alone is not just our greatest fear but our only fear.
It could be the active ingredient in our fear of death. It could be the element we empathically resonate with when we fear something happening to our children. Even our fear of rejection seems not so much about the rejection as it is about the imagined result of the rejection – being alone.
Our fear of harm, pain, suffering, damage… these may all be connected to the imagined end product – being alone.
I understand that aloneness is the active ingredient in Hell. Hell is the only place where our fear of being alone can finally come true, making it terrifying beyond anything we have ever felt.
I’ve often told people, “First relax. First don’t be afraid.” But that may not go far enough up stream. Must we deal first with the fear of being alone before we can deal with any fear or anxiety in the general sense?
Loneliness, like many emotions, happens to itself. Once we believe it, it’s true, except for the fact that we may be able to unbelieve it, making it no longer true. The exception, of course, being Hell.
I believe that the Great Answer existed long before questions could even be imagined. The remedy to loneliness existed long before loneliness did. The Answer to this fear MUST BE that we are not really alone, (or at least, not yet, in the case of those who will ultimately reject God.)
We certainly have a drive for friendship, association and companionship. But these are not the answer to our ultimate fear. They are hints that lead us to the answer.
As true as it must seem sometimes, I am not alone and you are not alone. God has reserved that most horrible of all fates for a specific purpose at the end of time. Short of that, it CANNOT be true while God exists.
This is the answer to our greatest fear.
Don’t be afraid.
The Other 167 Hours 
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August 24, 2010 at 8:15 pm
themerchantsdaughter
: )
August 24, 2010 at 9:52 pm
David Hamilton
yes
August 29, 2010 at 12:39 pm
themerchantsdaughter
i’m glad you’re writing again. it makes the 1/168 last a little bit longer…
August 31, 2010 at 11:22 pm
themerchantsdaughter
THANK YOU!!! : )
August 24, 2010 at 9:44 pm
~L
okay before I give a “real” comment I have to tell you what my four year-old said about your picture you attached to this post. She was sitting next to me as I opened this link and she says… (LOL… oh, I am laughing already…) she says, “mommy why is that girl covering her mouth?”
I said, “I don’t know… I think she is scared”
My daughter proceeded to cover her mouth and give a similar look as the young girl in the picture… and then says, “oh my goodness she is scared because she just spilled the milk all over the floor and her mommy doesn’t know about it yet” LOL!!!! (snort)
And, yes if you are thinking that their is milk alone and unnoticed somewhere in my home… there was almost a whole gallon of milk all over my kitchen floor :) LOL! As I was walked into the Kitchen my daughter kept covering her mouth and opening her eyes as big as she could…. I wonder how scared she was feeling that perhaps she was thinking how “alone” in a time out she was going to be…. thankfully her cuteness saved her from that “alone” time :) Yet, I am sure she had a lot of fear and was quite afraid of what could happen next… poor girl:) I have thee cutest four year old on the planet:)
As a parent you often crave to be “alone”, For me personally I tend to say, “I just want to be alone!”… or “leave me alone!” I wonder why I feel the need to be alone… maybe it’s the fear of what is really going on… or that I don’t want those close to me have to know what I am fearing???
You stated “ I’ve often told people, “First relax.( :) ) First don’t be afraid.” But that may not go far enough up stream. Must we deal first with the fear of being alone before we can deal with any fear or anxiety in the general sense?”
You than ended with “This is the answer to our greatest fear. “Don’t be afraid”.
I think no matter how alone we may “think” we may want to be… it’s a painful feeling to be alone in the idea that no one understands, or that you are alone in a situation, or ect…
“don’t be afraid” is a good place to start when you are feeling alone… great post… it’s been awhile for a new read;)
August 24, 2010 at 9:53 pm
David Hamilton
WOW! How funny!
August 25, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Jaylynn
Hilarious! It’s too bad you didn’t get this on camera, your little girl could have won10 grand for college :) And like CVT said, who would have thought this would rescue a small child from a time out? :) Great post and great laugh. I never put deep thought into what it feels like to be alone. It’s a fear that is real. The “don’t be afraid” helps and the video that ~L posted brought it all together. We as Christians are never alone, even when God feels distant.
August 25, 2010 at 1:54 pm
~L
:) oh the joys of being Ella’s mom:) If only I could bottle her joy up:) I did get a picture of her making that ridicules face next to the “mess” :) I am glad I could share her joy to others. I think as Christians that we should share joy more often. Remind each other that we are not alone, I think we tend to over look all the moments that God puts right in front of our face to fill us with His joy… and that sometimes it’s letting go of the fear (which takes courage) …To be still (relax) and know that the God is here. It’s taking comfort in that knowing who God really is and to let go of the fear and be still… and then I think we can understand that we are really never alone. It’s all easier said than done, I KNOW:/ (I am so talking to myself by the way… just sharing what I’m learning as I go:) )
August 26, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Caleb
:)
August 26, 2010 at 9:31 pm
anewday
How cute is that!? I really miss that age. Good article David. Love the first sentence. I mean I love ALL of it, it’s just the first is my favorite.
September 6, 2010 at 12:06 am
soccer girl
I like this song. I feel very alone, and it may be one of my biggest fears that no one understands the hurt inside. I don’t know how to get out of the darkness? I’m very alone in my situation. It’s hard to think that a god cares enough about me to help me out of the place that I’ve been forced to live in. Why would a “loving” god place me in such a unloving home?
September 6, 2010 at 11:56 am
~L
:( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay… listen to the song a lot! I am so sorry you feel so alone!!!! If it helps any… i may not understand exactly what you are going through… but I do understand what’s it like to be forced to live in darkness. I don’t believe that God want’s any of this for you! I believe that it makes him sad and he wants you to run to Him in you time of pain… he wants to take away the pain and heal your broken heart. It’s a process I know! I wish there was more I could do!!!!! I am so so sorry you have to go through this and I am praying for you to find the courage to stand up for yourself by talking to someone and having them help you take the next step. Your blog is very real… keep writing it helps! :(
September 6, 2010 at 2:02 pm
soccer girl
~L, thank you for your words. It means more to me then anyone could ever understand!!! Thank you for praying for me. I read your post on courage and I like what it said about speaking out against injustice. From reading your blog it sounds like you know where I’m coming from and if you can do it then maybe I can have courage too. Thank you for making me feel not so alone. Your perfect words have been very helpful to me.
<3,
Ashley
September 6, 2010 at 6:27 pm
L
You are very welcome Ashley! I want you to know that I felt very alone in this too until I met you… your story has broken my heart and I’m not going to lie it’s hard to hear about stuff like this when you have been through it too. I keep telling myself that I need to get better so maybe someday I can help girls like you before they get to be my age. Remember what David Hamilton wrote in a previous post; if you remember this one thing remember this: “Fight for recovery. Fight infection. Fight to avoid complications… But don’t fight The Surgeon. Hang in there, you are a beautiful princess that deserves so much more than this world has for you… and you always have a heavenly father that is there for you, ALWAYS!
August 25, 2010 at 8:54 am
CVT
Dr. H ~ More later, but isn’t it nice to know you rescued a small child from a certain time out?
A whole gallon…what a mess.
August 25, 2010 at 9:10 am
David Hamilton
Yes. I guess I hadn’t looked at it that way…
August 25, 2010 at 10:50 am
New song
THANK YOU!
August 25, 2010 at 10:42 pm
David Hamilton
You’re welcome
August 26, 2010 at 9:54 pm
CherylV
There is so much meat in this post it’s hard to know what to comment on. I agree that “it’s possible that being alone is not just our greatest fear but our only fear.” After reading this post I thought about some of my fears and, sure enough, the fear of alone is indeed at the bottom of most of them. A few I’m not so sure about.
“The Answer to this fear MUST BE that we are not really alone…it CANNOT be true while God exists.” Oh, YES. Our God is eternal, dwells in my heart and He will NOT abandon me. I have to cling to this Truth; my head needs to keep reminding my heart when it aches with loneliness and the tears overwhelm.
“This is the answer to our greatest fear. Don’t be afraid.” What comfort the reminder of God’s constant presence brings.
October 3, 2010 at 3:28 pm
~L
I thought about this post today and this is what I felt the Spirit has lead me to share today…
As Christians we have Christ in us. That unifies us as believers. And because of that unity we are joined together because of Jesus Christ… Therefore we don’t have to stand alone… ever! We do however have a choice to connect or disconnect with the body of Christ… Connecting with one another is a very necessary action in this life. To share joy and hope… Our sorrows and fear with one another. We were not meant to be alone…. And when the darkness has set in it’s easy to not want to connect… But it’s connecting to the body of Christ and in Christ alone that we shall never be alone.
Connect in the love of our Father and in His people today….
You are never alone!
October 4, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Alone? (via The Other 167 Hours) | Untitled Moments
[…] Image via Wikipedia It's possible that being alone is not just our greatest fear but our only fear. It could be the active ingredient in our fear of death. It could be the element we empathically resonate with when we fear something happening to our children. Even our fear of rejection seems not so much about the rejection as it is about the imagined result of the rejection – being alone. Our fear of harm, pain, suffering, damage… these may all … Read More […]
October 10, 2010 at 11:56 am
CherylV
“As true as it must seem sometimes, I am not alone and you are not alone. God has reserved that most horrible of all fates for a specific purpose at the end of time. Short of that, it CANNOT be true while God exists. This is the answer to our greatest fear. Don’t be afraid.”
Once again life has proven this post from August is true. One of my dearest friends was just discovered to be seriously ill and will be going home to the Lord soon. I find myself distraught that she is dying, devastated that I am losing the love and strength of her friendship and fearful of being without her…and feeling alone.
I cling to the truth that I can know that I am never truly alone. That God will never leave me nor forsake me.
December 14, 2010 at 2:56 pm
~L
I thought about this post today as I sat with a friend for lunch… and it truly hit me how fearful I am of being alone! I have often felt alone in a situation yet it’s been awhile since I’ve actually been alone-alone. As I embark on a new direction in my life I think how awful it is that I have to do so much alone!
-eat alone
-walk into a church bulding alone
-sleep alone
-wake up in the middle of the night needing NOT TO BE ALONE!
-Christmas alone
-being an an apartment alone
…alone …alone … alone!
I often think how I can do this by my self and I don’t need anyone! But who am I fooling…. I long just as much as anyone to have someone hold me when I cry… to share a joy filled moment with… for a warm hand… for someone to watch a movie with.
I wonder why God’s plan is for me to walk this path and why so much is being taken from me. My heart is broken and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be any day that I’m going to fall and crash… and guess what when I do…. I’m going to be all alone.
-oh God, please let me feel You so I am not “feeling” so alone!
!so yes! I agree not matter how many things I fear and how they all keep going around and around in my heard; I keep going back to fearing that I’m all alone and that is my greatest fear! :(
you know that these articles help when you think of them at moments like this… thanks!
December 14, 2010 at 2:56 pm
David Hamilton
You’re welcome L. I’m so glad it helps a little.
December 21, 2010 at 7:55 pm
CherylV
L – I’m in similar circumstances – alone a lot. Most of the time it’s ok (especially when I’m hiding!), but sometimes it’s not. The company I work for is closed next week and I’m already thinking about all the extra time I’ll be alone. Ugh. I agree: walking into places – and church – alone is the pits.
From your post it sounds like you’ve lost a loved one(s) and now you are alone – I’m sorry for that.
I agree about these posts helping at just the right time. I have found that over & over with Dr. Hamilton’s book, too.
L – I’ll be praying for you this week.
December 24, 2010 at 7:20 pm
~L
you are so kind, Cheryl. I am loosing a lot right now…. not to death… but loosing a lot… and yes, it is very difficult. It is hard when others choices have caused such pain and has forced you to leave so much….
Having the support of a few friends as been true blessing. I am learning how to rely on our Heavenly Father in these moments…. it’s hard when He feels so very far away. Thanks for your compassion! I think it’s the brokenhearted that can come along side another broken heart to share just a little of their own struggle that makes them feel not so alone.
I need those prayers:) thank you so much for them!