I love the circus, especially the large three-ring circus where there are always at least three shows happening at once. If you love the circus and want to know more about its interesting history and role in popular culture…

this blog post will be of no help at all with that.

On the other hand, I have some thoughts about work and responsibility in marriage. These seem to organize themselves rather nicely into three areas  or circles of responsibility.

In the center ring is the work of controlling yourself, doing the right thing for the right reason and managing your emotions and their expression. When the acts in the other rings are not going well, you can always bring your attention back to the center ring. You are responsible to see that this goes well. You can jump in at any time and save the show. If there is a fall here, you are to blame. No matter what happens anywhere else, this show must go on. If you lose your way, get disoriented, and are not sure where you are, assume you are here. Bad things happen in a marriage when this area is neglected. Responsibility is avoided and blame for misdeeds is placed on the spouse.

In the second ring is the work of your spouse. This is where your husband or wife works on self-control, doing the right thing for the right reason, and managing emotions and their expression. Your spouse is running the show here. You can watch with great interest, entertainment, sadness, or excitement, but it is not your show. Stay out of the ring. The failures are the responsibility of your spouse. The growth opportunities also belong to your spouse. Don’t deny them that. You may be tempted to jump in here to manage your own anxiety, to control what you need not control, or to avoid time in the center ring. Careful!

In the third ring is that complicated place where you each take some responsibility for how the other person feels and acts. This is a legitimate performance. It is not some rogue troupe operating without a permit because of rule of thumb #121: “you can only be responsible for yourself and your own emotional well-being.” That rule is very helpful in reminding us to keep our eyes on the center ring but close relationships, especially intimate relationships do not blindly follow that rule. Think about when you first met your spouse. You really did take it on yourself to have that person like you and feel comfortable around you. You want to make them feel safe and cared for.  (If we can step outside the G-rating a moment, in the consummation of marriage your job clearly is to create a feeling in your spouse.) The communication in this ring may be explicit or very subtle, depending on the experience and level of expertise of the performers. The most risky of performances takes place here. There are injuries from time to time. But there is a shared understanding of the goals and each has given the other permission and invitation to meddle in their emotions and behaviors. The shared understanding and permission are the key entrance requirements for this ring of activity. Without those, the only other ring where you can participate is the center ring.

With all these shows going on at once, no wonder marriage can be hard work. (Can I push the analogy and say that marriage can also be the Greatest Show on Earth?)

FAQs

Question: What about friendships and other relationships?

Answer: Although I’ve used the language of marriage in the discussion above, much (but not all) of it can be applied to other relationships.

Question: Does God have any role in this?

Answer: God? He came up with the whole design that makes it all possible and then he built the tent himself. He is your biggest fan and benefactor. The Holy Spirit acts as your most faithful critic. God is the only one you can see sometimes from the center ring. He is the one you entrust your spouse to in the ring next to yours. He is your trainer and mentor. He is the one that will participate with us in the third ring, providing the foundation of safety and trust that allows us to take the risks involved. Does God have a role? Are you kidding me?

(christian counseling, christian psychologist, Christian Marriage Counseling)

When neither of you can see a hand in front of your face and she calls out, “Are you there?” because she can’t feel you next to her…

When, for a split second, it crosses your mind to be silent, just for a moment, and then you realize she would NOT think it was funny…

You know exactly what to do and I’m sure you would do it.

You say, “I’m here!” and you reach out your hand to touch her, proving that you were right there all the time.

Well, of course, you’re there. Where else would you be, unless her name is Sculley and yours is Mulder? She needs to be reassured and you’re ready to reassure her… even though you were in the middle of thinking about the cell phone carrier you should have chosen so you could GET COVERAGE HERE.

Here’s what you may not know:

When, in the comfort of your own home, ten minutes before the game starts, she is telling you about her day, the wedding, or her sister…

When you realize she has stopped talking and you’re pretty sure she hasn’t asked a question and so there’s really no reason for you to say anything…

When, there she is, looking at you like she expects something…

You’re right back there in that forest!

She is really asking if you are beside her, traveling down the path with her, because she can’t feel you next to her.

You nod your head and you say, pretty much, what she just said about her day, the wedding, or her sister, proving that you were right there all the time.

Then, in the dark forest that life can become sometimes, you both continue happily down the path.

Matthew 14:27 Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

(christian counseling, christian psychologist, marriage counseling, communication, relationships, alone, fear )

Are you a user-friendly husband?

Having worked for a number of years as a software developer, I can tell you that an application can be the most powerful and ingenious tool to ever be created but, if the user gets frustrated with learning how to use it, it all goes to waste. It never gets the praise it deserves and it isn’t able to accomplish what it was created for. If the application were a person it would doubtless ask for a little more appreciation and respect. But it wouldn’t get it.

Does any of this sound familiar, guys?

In the home we can be so hard to read, or so painful to interact with, that our talents go unappreciated. It’s not that we don’t have anything to offer. It’s just that we are not as user-friendly as we could be. Think about these examples:

What’s happening with my computer? What is it doing?

It’s frustrating, isn’t it, when that progress bar on the screen just hangs there? We know it’s doing something but we don’t know what, or how long it will take, or if we need to keep watching in case it needs some input from us.

Where are you and what are you doing? When are you coming home? These are questions your family needs to know. They are not trying to ruin your life. It just helps them plan their day.

I know there’s a way to do this on the computer but I can’t figure out how to tell it what I want.

Listen to your wife and family. There are so many things you have to offer them. They need your help and may not know the best ways to ask for it. Don’t be offended if they don’t ask in exactly the right way.

I was right in the middle of doing something and my computer just shut down and I lost 3 hours of work.

I know you’ve had a hard day and you’re tired. I know that what your wife and kids are doing is not always the most interesting thing in the world. I know that what they say to you may bring up some unpleasant emotions. But don’t just shut down. It leaves everyone around you frustrated and feeling like they have been wasting their time talking to you.

Something’s wrong. The computer’s showing an error message but it just looks like gibberish to me. Why can’t it communicate in plain English?

Look. Everyone in the family knows something’s wrong. They can tell that Dad’s in a bad mood. They actually may be able to do something to help if you tell them what’s going on and what you want. You may find it hard to explain it in a way they can understand but it will be worth trying.

I’m not really comfortable on the computer because I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong and really mess things up.

Are members of your family afraid of making a mistake in front of you? Really? On top of feeling bad for the mistake they made do they also have to fear you getting mad or criticizing them? It’s hard to learn on the computer when you’re afraid to even attempt something. Make your home a place where growing and learning is possible without fear. Make it a place where forgiveness is easily available.

P.S. Windows really takes a beating from the Mac on the user-friendly factor.  People lose patience figuring out how to do something that should be simple. They end up throwing out the PC for a Mac. Ouch! Don’t make me interpret that.

So your wife has been asking you for a while now to go to counseling… Now what? You may have a few questions about what to expect.

Will the counselor be on her side? What will I be expected to say? What if we get into an argument? What if I don’t like the counselor? How long will I have to go?  Is what I say confidential? How will it help our marriage? Will we just fight all the way home afterward?

Let’s take them one at a time.

Will the counselor be on her side?

Maybe. But one sure fire way to get the two of them teamed up against you is for you to refuse to go. Counselors who work with couples have the responsibility to manage their allegiances so that the marriage or relationship is the focus, not one spouse over the other. But counselors are people, (at least this one is), so they may not be able to perfectly manage their allegiances, or it may actually be necessary for the counselor to strengthen the voice of one person at a particular time in the counseling. That person may be you or may be your wife.

What will I be expected to say?

Ideally you will be open about yourself and curious about your wife. An open flow of information is important with each person providing space for the other to communicate. For many people it is a very new, even strange experience to have someone really listen to what they have to say. Don’t be surprised if talking about yourself turns out to be hard work. Also, don’t be surprised if you think you are talking about yourself but the counselor points out that you are really talking about your wife.

What if we get into an argument?

Perfect. An argument can be a handy sample of real life interaction for the counselor to see. But,  the counselor will likely provide some structure and limits on the argument, slowing the pace and providing alternate ways to express what you want to say.

What if I don’t like the counselor?

It’s important that you both trust the person you’re working with. It’s fine if you decide to go to someone else instead. It’s only a problem if you don’t address  it or  happens over and over or if you give up and decide not to go to counseling at all.

How long will I have to go?

The three of you will have discussions of realistic goals in terms of changes you would like to see. (Feel free to drop bad habits as quickly as you like, though.) It is common for me to see couples every week for a month or two and then see them less frequently. The whole process may be spread over 3 to 6 months with some cases extending beyond that.

Is what I say confidential?

When I work with couples I can’t, and maybe shouldn’t, try to keep the same strict confidentiality limits that I would with an individual. Ask the counselor how they handle this. If you are talking alone with the counselor and want to talk about something you are not ready to share with your wife or don’t know if you should, let the counselor know your concern.

How will it help our marriage?

This is the part that amazes me and what keeps me wanting to do marital work even though it can be the hardest work that I do. There are so many answers to this question. For example, one mom with young children told me that the reason she likes coming is that, while she is waiting before the session, it is the only place she can go to the bathroom without someone calling her name. On a more serious note, couples learn about each other’s needs, learn open direct communication, build hope and trust, and recommit to acting as they should in a marriage.

Will we just fight all the way home afterward?

Tensions may increase initially, especially if there are secrets that need to get out in the open. Your counselor will help you with this and may even suggest that some issues not be discussed until you return the next week.

Here’s a bonus tip. Couples are notorious for waiting much longer than they should to come in, often years. Try not to be one of the many couples I hear say, “We should have done this years ago.”

I have never hunted.

Well, except once at summer camp in the coastal mountains of California when three of us jr-highers decided to go after some rattle snakes with our wrist-rockets. (It was a family camp so I’m really not sure where our parents were.) The camp cook promised he would cook it if we caught it. Yes, it did taste like chicken.

Ok. Now that I’ve defended my manhood…

I have never hunted but I do know what those ugly orange vests are for. You’re out in the wild tuning your ear to the slighted rustle and interpreting it. You’re on the alert because you are in a sort of competition. You win if you can react before your prey does. Your reaction involves shooting and the prey’s reaction involves running.

At some point in human history, someone noticed that under those circumstances we can shoot at something that isn’t really prey, like a fellow hunter. So hunters wear something a little extra, the orange vest that says, “Hey, we’re friends. Remember? Don’t shoot.”

Change Scenes: Your Home, Monday evening.

You and your spouse have been fighting for weeks. One of you has been sleeping on the couch the last week. It doesn’t look good. You are both always on the alert, tense, interpreting what the other says and does. You have been making jabs at each other every time you’re in the same room.

Correction: your spouse has been making jabs. You have just been stating facts. Yeah, right!

You have decided that you want to change things, fix this, do what you can. You even bought a book on marriage. You remember the book and silently stand up and walk to the other room to get it. “Fine! Just go to bed! You never want to talk about things anyway!” BANG! You’ve just been shot. You were doing something friendly and your spouse was trigger happy.

Or, you return with the book and find your spouse has gone to bed thinking, “How can you just walk out in the middle of our conversation. Fine! I’ll go to bed!” BANG!

Or, you return with the book. Your spouse sees the title and says, “Oh, now I suppose you have all the answers. Did you find all the things I’ve been doing wrong!” BANG!

Enter the orange vest, that little extra that says so much. The orange vest is your extra words. Be willing to over-explain things. Communicate things that don’t really need to be said. “I have a book in the other room and I’m hoping we can both read it. I know I’d like to do some things better.”

Do you really have to say that? Can’t your spouse put 2 and 2 together when you bring in the book? Yeah, and can’t Billy Bob tell just by lookin’ that I’m not a possum? Why wear this silly vest?

Do you want to stop shooting each other?

Go out of your way to be more verbal and open. Don’t depend on your spouse to always correctly interpret that rustling in the bushes.

And hold your fire.

email this to a friend

Now, I hear the calm breathing of three children as they sleep in the living room. I listen closely and I still hear the waves pulsing. As the condensation slips away on the window overlooking the ocean I hear the “whispers” of a 11 year old boy playing a 5 year old boy in a game of “Sorry”. The coffee pot drips quietly, steadily, finally producing the smell. The smell of a new morning.

Read the complete post.

How long will all these worries and fears keep building up inside of me? Each day I’m devastated inside like I was the day before. Will the people who are against me ever stop taking pleasure in my pain and suffering. They use anything they can against me.

Please stop and really think about me… and say something, Lord, my God. It’s so dark all around me that you could be right next to me and I wouldn’t know it except by faith. Please give me that faith that lights up this darkness. Without it I feel like death’s current will pull me under.

If you don’t help me now, the people who fight against me will think they’ve won. The very ones who turned my world upside down will pat themselves on the back because I can’t seem to pull it together.

But the truth of my story comes back to me now. Your goodness, even when I didn’t deserve it, has been my real support. What has really held me up in all this is your loving gentleness and patience for me. I can believe in that now with confidence.

As I think about the way that you ultimately rescue me, I feel my emotions coming back to life. My heart wakes up. You have given me so many good things that when I think about them I feel like singing again to you, Lord.  

I think this is how I would put it. (It should be pretty easy for you to recognize the passage.)

My dear friends, (I really think about you as family, like brothers and sisters, sons and daughters), I know that you are going through all kinds of terrible situations, heart breaks, danger, failure, hostility, loss… things that make you wonder if you really understand who God is or maybe you wonder how much you are loved by Him. You can be enveloped, even overwhelmed by these things.

Listen, I want to tell you how to think about what you are going through. I’m not talking about how to solve those things or make them go away (as important as that is) but how to think about what’s happening to you, what it all means that you are experiencing these things.

First, let’s admit that there are things that we all know and then forget in the middle of awful situations.  Am I right?  In times of peace when we are hardly feeling any stress at all we would quickly admit, “Sure! That’s true! Of course!” But then when we’ve been hit hard by life, when we’re off-balance, when our minds feel like mush, we don’t remember that truth or if we remember it, it doesn’t feel quite so true anymore.

Here is one of those truths that we forget: going through times when God seems absent builds up our ability to persevere, to keep going no matter what.

That is what is happening inside of you during these times, right now as you are feeling all those awful feelings. You are becoming a person who can persevere, a person who has endurance and patience. Things that are lacking in your character are being created, grown, and strengthened. I know you may not remember signing up for this kind of extreme make-over but God is doing it anyway. (Actually, all of us who agreed to drink the cup signed up for this make-over, but that’s a different passage.)  As you allow this perseverance process to go on, you are becoming more complete, more whole. Allow the process to continue. Stick with it. This is one of the ways that God reaches inside of you and makes things of value. This is how He grows beautiful things. So, you remember that truth now, right? And it makes sense.

Now, I want to ask you to take this one step further. Ready?

This is a hard step to take but it makes sense if we really know that going through times when God seems absent builds up our ability to persevere, to keep going no matter what. I want to ask you to find a sense of joy in the process. Look for that sense of meaningful satisfaction that allows your spirit to rise, that takes pleasure in the deep meaning of your life in God. This may sound crazy. But think about it. Remember that truth that you know. Think about the fully developed person you are becoming. Find the deep satisfaction in this.

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops endurance which makes you more complete, more whole.

I want so badly to be heard that I scream out loud when I pray! I yell out for the things I need from Him.

I gather up everything that is wrong with my world and dump it in a big pile in front of Him. All the turmoil in my life is put right there where He would have to trip over it.

God, you knew! When my heavy emotions threw all their weight on me and I was fainting just trying to walk, you saw my steps and the path.

There was hidden danger and evil that could trap me.
Look at who is coming at me! There is not a familiar, friendly face among them!

The places I thought were safe blew up in my face and there is no way out! I’ve come to the conclusion that no one really cares about how I feel or even if I live or die.

I yelled and called to You, Lord. I told You, “I believe that You are my only safe place to hide, my only real treasure in this life.”

Listen to my screams for help because I’ve reached rock bottom. I need You to protect me from those who are hurting me because they are more powerful than I am. I can’t win against them without You.

My life feels like it’s being lived out in a dungeon.

But… if I were released from that dungeon I could go on and on about how You delivered me. I don’t think I would ever stop thanking You. The people who really love You and follow You would gather around me and all of us would celebrate. We would all talk about how, over and over, You will bring good things into my life.

David W. Hamilton Psy.D. PLLC
4829 East Beltline NE
Building 1, suite 100
Grand Rapids MI 49525
616-364-3301

The sign outside will read “counseling in the pines”

I think you will like the location and setting. My goal was to find a place that provided a sense of safety, privacy, and comfort… elements essential for emotional healing.

Check back here for details on scheduling and contact information.

Sometimes it’s a gentle pull, other times the force is enough to lay you flat on your face. The undertow. The pull of the ocean. Ever since I can remember the ocean has been as much of my summer as popsicles, watermelon, and long drives. I have run down the same path to the Atlantic Ocean from our family’s house in South Carolina for years.

I grin as my feet remember the ocean floor, much like a reunion of best friends. The hard sand grows a little softer, the wetness and unknown creatures greet my feet like a handshake. One that lasts only as long as needed. It serves as a mere formality; a simple avenue to the real embrace: catching a wave. It’s simple: give in to the pull, enjoy the first wave, taste the salt, feel the sticky, cool ocean, and repeat. A relationship that never gets old.

Read the complete post here.

So, I was in chapter 2 today and decided I want to ask something of my readers.

Should we still be reading James?

Chapter 2, verse 6-ish reads
“Isn’t it the high and mighty who exploit you and drag you into court to hurt you financially?”

That’s a mash-up of a few translations. The older translations say “the rich” instead of the “high and mighty.” A newer translation says they use the courts to “rob you blind.”

If we read this for us today, in our culture, with our justice system and our social conscience, how does it apply?
Is it talking about the upper class, the super rich? Is it talking about those in power either politically or in an employment situation?

Is it non-Christians exploiting Christians or does it apply more broadly? Maybe James was concerned mostly with those persecuted solely for their association with Christ, not just the run of the mill, exploited, powerless. If we live or work in a pervasively Christian environment, are we stretching this verse too much if we even try to apply it?

(A related issue, of course, is the matter of Christians bringing other Christians to court. What if a prominent Christian individual or openly Christian organization brings a legal action against you or violates you in a criminal or civil manner? What if private mediation or organizational and ecclesiastical grievance procedures break down? Are Christians called to absorb the wrong, keep working patiently to mediate it, or go to the judicial system? St. Paul himself appealed to the judicial system of his day, citing his civil rights as a Roman citizen.)

It also makes me wonder why James had to write this warning or reminder? Didn’t people know this was happening at the time? Did the power or wealth or position of honor somehow blind the Christians to the abuse that they themselves were experiencing? Was there kind of a suck-up approach to the rich or powerful that James was trying to warn them about? Or was he trying to keep them from a sort of unconscious intimidation we can develop in the presence of wealth or power.

Does this sort of thing even happen today? I mean we have a very different judicial system than they did. We have civil rights advocates for the powerless. We have more lawyers than people in some states. :) We live in a free and open society, right?

What do you think?

Should we still be reading James?

Jesus was moved (literally “gutted”) because he saw people who were confused (“mind-fogged”) harassed, distressed, rejected and helpless…
as you would expect sheep (vulnerable people) to act if they had no shepherd (one to protect them and bring them to a safe place at night.)

From what I understand the word “moved” in the original language is the word we use for spleen today. But “gut” seems to get the idea across.

The way we are put in motion by our “e-MOTIONS” is that some part of our body, like our gut, screams out chemical warnings to the rest of our body. Something like that happened in the body of our Savior when he encountered all these vulnerable people.

What should our gut scream out when we see people who are confused, harassed, distressed, rejected, and helpless?

A word of warning:
We know the price Jesus paid for His rescue mission. When we drink the cup of Christ we not only remember his death but we recommit ourselves to drink his cup of suffering.

I was nineteen, you were twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now fifteen years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

“I do” are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard
Is a good place to begin

‘Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we’re dancing in the minefields
We’re sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love’s chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

‘Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

‘Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

What would life be like if we only had those 5 senses?

Image via Wikipedia

What about balance and proprioception?
If I closed my eyes I wouldn’t know if I were right-side up or up-side down. I wouldn’t know where my arms and legs were without looking.

What about… emotional self-awareness? I wouldn’t know how I felt about you or how I felt about me. I would have a very difficult time making decisions. (Yes, emotions are essential for making many decisions no matter how logical you think you are. Logic is always in the service of some emotion. ) I wouldn’t feel attached to anything or anybody so I wouldn’t feel loss. I also wouldn’t know if I belonged.

Wow! Life would be so different!

Life would also be very different if I stuffed cotton balls in my ears and smeared vaseline on my glasses. I wouldn’t be completely blind or completely deaf but I probably shouldn’t operate a car or even walk very quickly.

Now imagine you’re the last person in the room to realize you’re angry. Imagine you’re excited but mistake it for anxiety. Imagine you’re sad and express it like anger. Imagine you’re in love but all you feel is fear. Imagine you’re afraid but all you feel is shame. These are the emotional equivalents to cotton balls in your ears and vaseline on your glasses. You are going to stumble or you are going to do very little at all. Those are the choices.

We all understand why God gave us our 5 senses. We need to get around in the world. I guarantee you he had equally good reasons for giving us emotions. Our 5 senses just don’t give us all the data we need.

It is a good and worthy pursuit to work at understanding our emotions and how to express them. So, clean off those glasses and take those cotton balls out of your ears. Life is more than emotions but it certainly shouldn’t be less.

Self-regard certainly will have some overlap with things like self-esteem but it is not just self-esteem. The goal here is not just to raise the absolute level of positive self-thoughts although, unfortunately, for many of us there are times when our shame and our injuries warp the picture of who we are, making it difficult to notice, much less “think about… whatever is pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy” (Philippians 4:8) regarding God’s creative investment in us.

In simple terms, well-trained self-regard is an accurate and honest assessment of our good points and bad points, an awareness and acceptance of the unique way that God made us and the unique ways that we tend to go off target.

If I were to make up a way to measure the self-regard I’m talking about, I might call it the “I-make-sense” index. (the IMS Index) Part of the good news about having a divine designer is that his designs and creations make sense. Sometimes that means we understand ourselves, other times it means we rely on the belief that God understands us. You know those times when you are tempted to think of yourself as not making sense? Sadly words such as “crazy” or “freak” even creep into our vocabulary. But, we do make sense. If not to us, then still to God. We are not unknown to him. We do not confound him or puzzle him.

We may be a puzzle to other people. We may struggle to explain to others (or to ourselves) why we do what we do or feel what we feel. But we are designed, known, and understood always by God, sometimes by his grace we also understand ourselves.

What is your IMS score?

I want to start a series of posts on the basics of emotional life from a Christian perspective. Basic, not in the sense of easy, introductory, or simple but basic in the sense of foundational, essential, and ubiquitous. Everywhere you look you see them coming into play.

Here’s the list:

• self-regard
• emotional self-awareness
• assertiveness
• independence
• self-actualization
• empathy
• social responsibility
• interpersonal relationships
• stress tolerance
• impulse control
• reality testing
• flexibility
• problem solving
• optimism
• happiness

I’ll be writing a post for each of these over the next few weeks, just going right down the list. Maybe some of us will find a New Year’s resolution in there somewhere.

Any questions?

I have a few puzzles that sit on a chest in my office. They are mainly the rope and ring type, similar to the one shown in the picture. They’ve all been solved (and then “unsolved.”)

I like to think that they mirror the sort of problem solving we have to do in life. They fall into three categories,

1. “oh!”
2. “ah ha”, and
3. “really?”

Oh! There are a couple of puzzles in my office that people usually solve by just trying one thing after another, sometimes without paying much attention. You can just kinda’ fiddle with it while you’re talking about something else.

“Oh!”, people tend to say.
It’s a surprise moment. It goes from trial and error to done.

We get these types of puzzles in life. We have to keep trying and hoping and having faith. We fear we are wasting time or God is not listening and then, after what may seem like far too many trials and far too many errors, we find the solution. We may be surprised because, even though we kept at it, we also had some doubt we would find a solution this time. We got tired of hoping. But our faith was rewarded with a solution.

Ah Ha! I have another puzzle that really doesn’t lend itself to trial and error. It just gets more and more tangled. You really have to look at it and figure it out and then start moving things. It turns out to be a simple maneuver, once you see what needs to happen.

It’s an “Ah Ha!” puzzle. It goes from impossible to easy.

These are my favorite life puzzles. “…and then God revealed the answer…” is how the story could be told. These are the answer-to-prayer trophies.

Really? Lately I’ve been thinking I should also add to my collection a puzzle that is unsolvable. I wouldn’t be doing this just to bug people, but because it would be a little more like real life. We don’t get to solve all of our puzzles. It’s an important life skill to know when to stop trying to solve it and accept the “unsolution.”

You’ve had those puzzles in life, right? Something you just can’t understand, solve, or change? We ask, “Really, God? I have to just live with this?”

These are the hardest ones for me. I can see why toy companies don’t make this kind. They wouldn’t exactly be best sellers!

In life I see these puzzles and start to ask, “Am I giving up too soon? Is my faith not strong enough?” I wish there were not these type of puzzles in real life but there are. They teach us our limits and they reset our priorities. I don’t like them. But, the Master Puzzle-Maker designs them and I will keep working on trusting his designs.

Don’t worry. I won’t be buying one for you for Christmas.