Top 10 Regrets #10 I spent time with my kids.
Top 10 Regrets
- I believed the sun would rise tomorrow.
- I tried to control my tongue.
- I hugged my wife when I came home from work.
- I tried to love God.
- I cared about other people’s problems.
- I sang along in church.
- I closed my eyes in prayer.
- I held it together.
- I kept going.
- I spent time with my kids.
I regret that I spent time with my kids.
The issue I have with spending time with my kids has to do with the word “time” when what it should be is “life.”
There is an old saying that time is money, but life comes much closer to being money than time does. When we accept employment somewhere we are agreeing to give away slices or chunks of our life.
No matter how old or young, healthy or sick, each of us is in the process of spending out our life.
Our life will be all poured out someday. We cannot hoard it, though we act as though we can.
Much of the anxiety and depression that I see in my clinical work has an element of wrestling with the issue of pouring out our life. When we deny that something is happening, when we try not to be where we are, when we hold back on today flowing into tomorrow, when we can’t accept the reality of a trauma or regretful action in the past… we are trying, futility, not to allow our life to be poured out.
I remember when I was in elementary school in a small town in the central valley of California, selling tickets for a pancake breakfast, or trying to sell them. Before I began, I could imagine all the houses I would go to and all the tickets I would sell. But once I actually went up to that first house, they might say no and there would be one less house that could buy a ticket. I hesitated to start. I was trying to stop something from pouring out, trying not to spend something that had to be spent. I was trying to hold something back from happening, wanting it to go the right way, I suppose.
That particular holding back had something to do with my idealism. It may be something else with you. But life will pour out. We cannot stop it. We can only cause ourselves and those around us more pain by denying the process and trying to spend it in a miserly way.
I want to think that, sometimes, in my best days, I am not spending time with my kids but that I am pouring out my life for them and with them, spending my life on them. I think of holding a flask of priceless liquid and pouring it out lavishly on my children, soaking them in it until it pools around them. It is not mine to keep. Sadly there are times when I am only or mainly thinking of spending time, not my life.
I regret I spent time with my kids.
David Hamilton
What happened to #9?
Oh a math major among us? :) well… number nine has a little bit of timing involved. But it’s on its way. :)
Far from Math Major; I am orderly and you got out of line. :)
Well #9 was the regret that I kept going, right? So what better way to get over that than to NOT keep going in order and therefore skip #9? :)
I loved the post on spending time with kids. I was about 50 when I realized my life was being poured out and I wanted to hold it back. Here’s a poem that was wrenched from me at that time:
Because thy death on Calvary hath made me wholly Thine,
I want to be to others broken bread and poured out wine;
May I joyfully adore Thee in the dull, the bitter grind,
With Thy Spirit having full control of body, soul, and mind.
Now at 80 I am contented, delighted and even joyful to see my life poured out for others. I’m so glad God has let me live this long and that He continues to put people before me to be concerned for, to pray for and with, and to minister to.
Remember I said this is what I hope I do on my best days… :) but thanks!
Ok, with one stipulation – you have one of your kids go first. :)