Top 10 Regrets #8 I held it together.
Top 10 Regrets
- I believed the sun would rise tomorrow.
- I tried to control my tongue.
- I hugged my wife when I came home from work.
- I tried to love God.
- I cared about other people’s problems.
- I sang along in church.
- I closed my eyes in prayer.
- I held it together.
- I kept going.
- I spent time with my kids.
I regret that I held it together.
Consider these words from the wisdom of Solomon, especially the phrases in bold.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.When you picture someone “holding it together” do you picture someone weeping? someone laughing? someone mourning? someone dancing?
Think about an admonition like this:
“Hold it together, boy. Stop weeping!”
Now replace “weeping” with laughing, mourning, or dancing. Now we have four behaviors we may refer to as losing it.
DANCING A person dancing is certainly not holding it together. The dancer is in fact letting something out, not quite so under control that they stand motionless. They allow their body to express emotions, usually positive ones, but not always. When did you dance last spontaneously? When did I?
WEEPING I don’t know about you, but I don’t have everything under control when I’m weeping. I’m pretty sure that I even make some sounds I don’t usually make. I can’t see very well and probably shouldn’t be driving or working with heavy machinery. I am taking a break from holding it together when I am weeping. When was the last time you really wept? When did I?
LAUGHING There are many different kinds of laughs, I think Mary Poppins and friends say it best.
When was the last time you really had a good laugh? When did I?
MOURNING Mourning may be a a little harder for us to see as not holding it together. We picture adults standing solemnly, and silently by a casket, wiping the occasional tear. I said tear, not tears. But, it was not uncommon for people in the past and in other cultures today to rip their clothes, put a covering on their face, dump dirt on their heads, roll themselves in the dust or sit in a heap of ashes, wailing loudly. Most of us would not consider that holding it together. We might even go so far as calling it “losing it.”
Often when psychologists meet with a patient for the first time, they document if the person’s emotions are blunted, constricted. In other words, does this patient hold it together a little more that they should. There are times and situations in life where holding it together is exactly the wrong thing to do.
According to Solomon, a wiser man that I, there is a time to lose it.
There have been times in my life when losing it in one of these four ways would have been the right thing to do, but I didn’t.
I regret that I held it together.
David Hamilton
“There are times and situations in life where holding it together is exactly the wrong thing to do.”
Oh, yeah…how many times have I stood in a social circle & everyone else is laughing & I stand there feeling frozen emotionally. Or, I give the “I’m fine” answer when what I’d really like to do is burst into tears…but won’t because I’m trying to hold it together. Good post.
Yes, somewhere it gets drilled into us that above all else we must “hold it together.” I suppose it was done out of good intentions but if followed as the rule it seems to be it doesn’t serve us well.
Somewhere between the tantrum-throwing toddler years and the introverted, self-conscious teen years we have to figure out the precise manner in which to display our emotions. Usually, the reactions of people around us give an indication as to the appropriateness of our behavior. Unfortunately, I think displaying our emotions makes other people uncomfortable and maybe even vulnerable. I would guess that the more reserved we are, the fewer disapproving reactions we get from others and the less ridicule we encounter. It’s risky NOT to hold it together.
Let’s get a memo out: less judgement, more empathy. Less standing back and pointing, more walking beside each other.
Wow! You need to be blogging 2sense! Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment.
I seem to remember someone in the past replying to one of your comments and saying that you need to be blogging.
Am I remembering that right? So let us know when you start, OK?
Thank you . . and yes, someone did say I should blog. I don’t remember if it was ~L or Cheryl, but I do remember feeling humbled by their request as I do yours.