Anger Management: How many people can fit in a phone booth?
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We have all heard anger talked about as if it were people stuffing into a phone booth. It gets more and more uncomfortable and the only way to make it better is to let some out. Get it off your chest. Don’t stuff it down. Let off some steam. Many think of anger management within a pressure-release model. I would like to convince you otherwise.
The pressure-release model has been helpful if it has gotten us to monitor how much anger we are feeling and realize that feeling a lot of intense anger can lead us to act badly, just like we should pay attention to how many people are already in the phone booth before we decide to enter. It sounds obvious when it comes to phone booths but some of us have been slow to catch on when it comes to anger. People are real things and getting too many of them piled on top of each other hurts. Angry emotions are real things and getting too many of them piled on top of each other hurts. So far I’m in complete agreement.
But from there, the pressure-release model starts to lead us astray. People don’t just disappear over time from a phone booth. The only solution is letting them out. We would never think that letting people out would actually make the phone booth smaller and less comfortable. Out is good. In is bad. The pressure-release model would encourage us to express our anger to relieve the pressure. As the anger goes out the anger inside is reduced.
Anger doesn’t work that way. Very often engaging in angry behaviors, letting it out, makes us feel the anger more intensely. The behavior might tire us out so that our body has no alternative but to relax. Then as our mind notices our body relax, it concludes that we are no longer as angry. Letting it out is not what reduced the anger.
Our emotions tell us something, prepare us for something, and then dissipate if we no longer need them. (Not always as fast as counting to 10) It’s a fantastic design that only God could come up with.
Here’s an anger management experiment.
Part 1: Next time you are driving alone and you start to get angry at another driver, make an angry face, clench your fist, and yell. (Of course, keep your eyes on the road, hand on the wheel and obey all posted speed limit signs, and don’t distract the other driver by letting them hear you yell.) Notice your level of anger. Did it go up or down as you let it out? For how many minutes afterward were you feeling angry?
Part 2: Another time you are driving alone and you start to get angry at another driver, don’t let any of the anger out. Try to look the same on the outside as you did before the other driver cut you off – same posture, facial expression, vocalizations. Notice your level of anger. Did it go up or down as you kept it in? For how many minutes afterward were you feeling angry?
What did you find out about anger management? Comment on it if you like.
God made people to go in and out of things like phone booths, not to disappear when we no longer need them. Emotions don’t get to be people. And if they were, we certainly would not allow them to congregate with each other in a phone booth.
167hours
Guest Author
is this true with other emotions, more than just anger?
Yes, in fact even large events like losing a job, getting a promotion, winning the lottery, rarely change our emotional outlook beyond a few months. We tend to think our emotions will last longer than they do. This is called the Durability Bias.
Wow, the woman wearing the red hat appears to be pretty calm. I need to hang out with her.
She does look suspiciously calm. :)
She must have a handle on anger management.
It is amazing how emotions are so…unmanageable. It’s true that we don’t have much control over what emotions we get, but at the point that we have them, we do have a choice. To let them control our actions or not. This is easy to see with depression since it doesn’t directly hurt others. But with anger, there are usually other people involved.
I think where I get tripped up is in expressing my strong emotion at an appropriate time. I don’t do so badly at the moment, but later, when it might be right to say something, I clam up. Or I let it out on myself in unhealthy behaviors. So, I guess this is inappropriately expressing anger, right?
This might be the equivalent of hanging around the phone booth gawking at all the people inside. I’ve always wanted to see how many people could fit inside a phone booth, but have been too afraid to try!;)
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Our adrenalin makes our body ready and alert to fight or flee.
Letting pressure out slowly, or at least in stages, is the healthiest way.