Fear and anxiety get in the way of relationships. We want to feel safe. We like it when we can relax.

We all know certain people who are easy to be around. We  know others whom we would rather not run into. I think most of us would rather be in the first group. So how does that work? Does it have anything to do with monsters under the bed?

I can remember scaring myself as a child. At night I would imagine all the things that could be hiding in that dark corner of the closet or under the bed. There were a few things the room just was not telling me. It was being vague or even stingy with information. When something is dark and unknown, we just start filling in the blanks. Since all of us have fears, we have plenty of ready material to draw from.

When the light goes on in the room, our fears lose their grip. The room hasn’t really changed. I mean, the shoes and papers and toys that were under the bed are still under the bed. The corner of the closet is still there. But it’s light now. We can stop guessing and imagining. The room really wasn’t out to get us. It didn’t mean anything by it. How could it be blamed for what my imagination did?

I want to be more like a well-lit room than a dark room. I don’t want people who are close to me to have to wonder and use imagination and guess. That’s what we do in a dark room and we end up scaring ourselves.

If people have to guess what you feel, what you think, what you know, there are a certain percentage who will scare themselves. When you hoard information,  people feel uncomfortable. You may not mean to make them feel that way. Neither did my childhood bedroom.  But it still scared me.

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Dr. David Hamilton is a clinical psychologist at the Christian Counseling Center of West Michigan

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