The Other 167 Hours

Marriage: Why do I love you? Because I can.

I want to suggest that the only satisfying answer to the question, “Why do you love me?” is, “Because I can.”

This question is different from asking what you like about me, or what initially built an attachment between us. It’s okay to have specific answers to those questions.

Spouses should be able to say what they like about each other and, with time, we may even be able to understand what originally helped us form an attachment to each other. But that is not the reason or justification for loving someone. Parents should be able to say what they like about their children, and a great deal of the attachment initially comes out of the child literally being a part of them. But, even attachment can spring up for very arbitrary reasons, and then dissipate.  (Understanding this allowed Gary Dahl to make a million dollars on pet rocks over a few months in the mid 70′s.)

Think about what happens when we are told the reason we are loved. If it’s because of something we do or how we act, what happens when we don’t act that way or aren’t able to do those things? If it is because of “who we are”, what if we change, or we don’t know who we are, or what if we know things about ourselves that others don’t know?

Consider what John was getting at when he wrote “We love him because he first loved us.” Very interesting verse that seems to be identifying a reason to love…  But, I believe it is saying more than, “He was so nice to us that it made us want to be nice back.” I believe that verse speaks mostly about what gives us the ability or capacity to love God.  God’s loving of us opened up in us the ability to love him back. It turned us into potential God-lovers.

What do struggling marriages need? Not just more reasons to love each other, but the ability to love. What if being loved is one of the best ways to increase that ability?

Now, who goes first?