Are you sure that’s on the table?
You’re in a competition, a heated discussion, an argument…
Somewhere, deep inside, you have an idea of what’s really being debated, what’s really on the table. What will be won or lost? Pride, bragging rights, your job, your marriage, money?
How about that job interview? What is really on the table? What does it feel like is on the table? Is it your personal value, your professional value, God’s blessing on your life, your economic future, the approval of a parent, the chance to change jobs, the chance to get this particular job at this particular time?
How about that argument with your spouse? What does it feel like is up for debate? The love of your spouse, your marriage, your pride, your free time, your independence?
You will act and feel differently depending on which it is, or rather, which you think it is. If the argument is about which restaurant to eat at, maybe all that can be lost is the appetizer you like so much at your favorite restaurant. But what if you think that your independence or respect is on the table when having the restaurant discussion? It may not really be. But if you think it is, you may react with an intensity that surprises or even scares others and does damage to the relationship.
The best remedy for mistaking what is on the table is to settle basic questions about things like belonging, worth, love, and commitment.
An intimate relationship between a man and a woman can flourish best when the question of commitment has been settled and is no longer on the table. That’s one of the values of the marriage ceremony. Vows are meant to settle that question so that every argument does not have to be experienced as if the existence of the relationship is on the table.
In healthy stable relationships the issue of respect and love are settled so that no matter what it may look like during a particular disagreement, we can believe that, deep down, the other person loves us and respects us, even if it is not coming across very well at the moment. It doesn’t have to be about that. That’s not what is up for debate. The issue of love and respect is not on the table. It’s settled.
As a Christian, having the issue of my worth and standing before God settled, off the table, can allow me to see the fluctuations in life as about something other than a test of my worth or acceptance by God. I don’t have to see judgments or opinions of me as evidence for, or against, my value.
It’s off the table, not up for debate… settled.
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David Hamilton
The part of the sentence… ‘as about something’…
As a Christian, having the issue of my worth and standing before God settled, off the table, can allow me to see the fluctuations in life as about something other than a test of my worth or acceptance by God.
Wow, that must be an incredible feeling. To have that kind of security, to actually experience that level of safety, in being able to say what you’re really feeling. Hmmmm…..
“As a Christian, having the issue of my worth and standing before God settled, off the table, can allow me to see the fluctuations in life as about something other than a test of my worth or acceptance by God. I don’t have to see judgments or opinions of me as evidence for, or against, my value.
It’s off the table, not up for debate… settled.”
~Reading older posts and can’t believe this post only has one comment…it’s one of my favorites. The stuff that happens in my life is NOT a test of my worth before God, that’s “off the table.” What comfort and security!