The Other 167 Hours

life outside the session

Archive for the month “October, 2009”

31 Oct 2009
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On the Death of a Small Civilization

Apparently it was Pat Conroy,  author of the Prince of Tides, who first said, “Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.” I think of his words every time a couple in my office tells me they are heading toward divorce.

Marital work is the hardest work I do as a psychologist. It is impossible for me to do it well without becoming personally invested in the success of the marriage. I gather all the hope I can find and pile it together. When the death occurs, I feel grief “as if a million voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”  I don’t pretend to feel the loss to the extent that my clients feel it when a marriage ends. But I do feel it.

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Posted by 167hours in Marriage and tagged , , , ,
26 Oct 2009
3 Comments

How to build a two story life

Although I am the son of a carpenter (No spiritual metaphor there.  My dad really did build a lot of things.), I am not a builder. Still, I am familiar with the rule of thumb builders and architects use when it comes to designing houses, “It’s cheaper to build up rather than out.” It refers to the time and money saved by not having to build a larger basement or foundation and instead just build a floor above.

But, (and here’s where the metaphor starts)  I think the opposite is true in building a life. Sometimes, I feel the inclination to just focus on one story, the story of my own little local life on earth at this moment. Yes, somewhere inside is this natural desire to be a part of a larger story, a second story, but expanding my own ground floor just seems more important or practical, demanding less energy. The second story, larger and maybe even more real, is the spiritual and eternal drama of God seeking and redeeming a people for himself, and going on to redeem all creation. Yeah, a pretty big story!

It’s just that I catch myself building out rather than up.

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Posted by 167hours in personal growth and tagged , , ,
19 Oct 2009

Can we count our blessings by counting our wounds?

If you haven’t yet read Jeanette Winterson’s article in the Wall Street Journal from last friday,  you should.

Here is some of what she points out about blessings and wounds:

The French verb “blesser” means “to wound.” Original etymologies from both Hebrew and Anglo-Saxon bind “bless” with a bloodying of some kind—the daubing of the lintel at Passover, the blood smear on the forehead or thigh of a new young warrior or temple initiate. Wounding—real or symbolic—is both mark and marker. It is an opening in the self, painful but transformative.

Here is a link to the  complete article: In Praise of the Crack-Up

Posted by 167hours in Grief and Loss | Leave a Comment
12 Oct 2009
3 Comments

The Power of “Okay”

The word, “Okay” or “OK” has a puzzling past with conflicting reports regarding its origin. Wherever it came from, it has become one of the most useful words in the English language. It offers a powerful reorientation to the struggles in life, whether those struggles are relational or logistical.

Just in case you have been overlooking or underusing this word, I would like to offer an expanded translation of the term. Of course, words take on different meanings in different contexts. So, let me clarify that I am not referring to the rather mild and common response to, “How are you doing?” I am referring to an intentional posture toward any of the many challenges that are thrown at us in life.

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Posted by 167hours in Communication and tagged , , , ,
05 Oct 2009
3 Comments

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing wrong.

I suppose the title of this post is worth saying.  So, it’s worth saying it wrong. Good thing, since many people do get this saying wrong. I bet you’ve heard people say, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”

Yeah, that’s kind of helpful to know but, not nearly as valuable as, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing wrong.” You don’t hear that as much. Come to think of it, I might be the only one that says it that way. Boy, that’s embarrassing… unless it’s true.

For the sake of simplicity let’s use these labels:

Version A

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.

Version A-

It it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing wrong.

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Posted by 167hours in personal growth and tagged , , , , , ,

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