The Other 167 Hours

Running with scissors

Do you remember that feeling you had the last time you saw a child, maybe one of yours, doing something that could hurt themselves or another person? Maybe it was running with scissors. Maybe it was standing too close to the edge of a cliff. Maybe it was swinging some object on a string around and around as they spun with their eyes closed. (Maybe it’s too easy for me to think of these examples and my neurotic parenting style is showing.)

You wanted to stop it, right? And not just because the child could get hurt, but also because they could hurt someone else unintentionally. But you’re kind of in a bind, right? If you run right up to grab them, bad things could happen. Someone could get hurt. If you tell them, with some urgency, how dangerous you think it is, they might decide to prove you wrong by pushing it a little. Someone could get hurt. If you do nothing at all, someone could get hurt.

Wow! I’m sure glad we outgrow that running with scissors thing! At least I think we almost do… mostly… more or less.

The problem is some of us put down the scissors but pick up sharp edged emotions like anger or bitterness. We run with those. Often, like the child with scissors, we forget we are carrying them, or we grossly underestimate the hurt, the cuts, the wounds, that these emotions can inflict. I really believe that we can carry these and genuinely be unaware. Or we tell ourselves, “This isn’t hurting others. Just me.” Or, “This isn’t hurting me. Just others.” Both are wrong. Running with scissors puts everyone in the vicinity in danger.

Those of us looking on are in the same sort of bind I mentioned with the child. If we take a direct approach, trying to shut down the anger or bitterness in the other person, bad things could happen. We are putting ourselves in range, making ourselves targets. If we try to explain how harmful the anger and bitterness are, the emotions are grasped more firmly and defended or denied.

But when it comes to the option of doing nothing, this is different than it is with the child and scissor example. With the child everyone involved knows something has to be done and stays with it, taking what risk needs to be taken for the child to be safe. But, when we are grown and wielding anger or bitterness, the option of doing nothing is a little more palatable.  There is a real possibility that we end up being left alone with our scissors anger and bitterness. Family, friends, and co-workers back away and we are isolated and alone. (Yes, this becomes a source of more anger and bitterness to run with.)

I’m hoping that we can take a better look at what we are carrying and either carry it with greater caution or find a safe place to put it down. Maybe noticing that others are backing away from us can give us a hint that this self examination is needed.

I’m also hoping that, when we find ourselves among those that are backing away, we can communicate with care and concern that we wish to have another option. We would like to stay and would be willing to return when the sharp objects are taken care of. But, until then we have to protect ourselves by getting some distance. “It’s not that we don’t care about you. You just run with scissors too much.”

Just step away from the scissors and nobody gets hurt.