The Other 167 Hours

life outside the session

Archive for the month “August, 2009”

It shouldn’t be this hard!

How hard should [insert your situation here] be? How hard is it supposed to be?

I bring up this question because it has huge implications for our mood and consequently, our level of functioning, including interacting with others.

We ask this question about school, growing up, relationships, college, dating, work, marriage, parenting, finances, growing old, life, (golf?)… and then we think of an answer. For some reason, in my experience, personally and with my clients, the answer tends to be, “Not this hard!”

But, how do I know that? Where have I gotten my ideas of how hard life should be?

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What do I want?

What do I want? It seems to be a question we ask often, sometimes even out loud.  A search on google today found it being asked online about eight and a half million times. We add different phrases to the end, like:

  • to do
  • to eat
  • to say
  • for my birthday
  • for Christmas
  • from my spouse
  • in life
  • to major in
  • to do for a living

You can google Abraham Maslow for a very famous answer formed in a sort of pyramid of priorities for survival.

Here is my answer to the question.

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What is forgiveness?

Let’s be clear on one point. We do bad things.

We are not “good people” in the absolute sense. We are people of worth, but we do decidedly bad things. Things where, “Oh, that’s okay” doesn’t really cover it. It really wasn’t “okay”, that thing we did. But we can admit our bad deeds if there is such a thing as forgiveness.

If there is no forgiveness then we probably would be better off telling ourselves that we are good people that never really mean to hurt anyone. We make mistakes, but don’t do bad things. Apart from not being true, this attitude would serve us well… if forgiveness did not exist.

Luckily, true forgiveness really does exist. So what is it? Forgetting? Accepting an apology? Acting as if it never happened?

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Obedience

Have you heard the word, “obedience” used lately in public discourse, not counting church? My guess is that if you have heard it, it was in the context of “blind obedience” or in some other pejorative manner.  The concept of obeying someone else runs counter to our modern sense of independence and self-direction. Find your own way! Follow your heart! Think for yourself!

Just a quick skimming of the Bible brings out passage after passage on obedience, submission, even becoming a servant to others. Ouch!  It’s almost un-American! But, obedience is a useful concept, right? Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big fan of understanding and choosing and may even have authority issues from time to time. But, I’ve been thinking about what obedience allows us to do. As a Christian, of course, there is the specific moral duty to our Creator. Apart from that, there are some very practical benefits to obedience in general.

The first, and frankly, not the most compelling for me, is that obedience allows us to cooperate with others. The side of the street that one drives on may seem, and actually be, arbitrary. If I were the only driver in the world, I’m not sure I could reason myself into choosing one side of the street over the other. But in a world of millions of drivers, I can obey the traffic laws and get where I’m going in cooperation with the other drivers on the road, or, I can risk my life, do it my way, and probably not get where I want to go. I don’t do this obedience out of a special reverence or affection for whoever decided that the right side of the road is the correct side. I have no idea even who that person was. Life just works better when we cooperate.

A much more interesting benefit of obedience, I think, is that it allows us to accomplish things we don’t understand. It allows our work or actions to be better or smarter than we are, in a sense. It allows us to go beyond ourselves, be more than ourselves, not less.

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The Case for Early Marriage

Mark Regnerus wrote the following article in Christianity Today magazine. (FYI: It is not rated G.)

Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot.

Virginity pledges. Chastity balls. Courtship. Side hugs. Guarding your heart. Evangelical discourse on sex is more conservative than I’ve ever seen it. Parents and pastors and youth group leaders told us not to do it before we got married. Why? Because the Bible says so. Yet that simple message didn’t go very far in shaping our sexual decision-making.

read the rest of the article

Finding Hope Through Humility

I think I’ve learned something about depression, something that surprises me.  When we are depressed, although we may report low self-confidence, there is one area in which we all are very confident. We are very confident that our depressive view of the world, self, and future is The Truth.

Yes, we may depress ourselves more by telling ourselves we have no reason to be depressed, but our mood indicates otherwise. On some level, somewhere, among all those lightening fast interpretations our brain is making from the data around us, we have a strongly held belief that feeling depressed is the right conclusion given all that we know (a key phrase I’ll come back to.) It seems so true that to not believe it and feel happy would be kind of… crazy. Who would deny reality that much?

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